Marriage Counseling

Communication skills are a great skill in any relationship. Assertive Communication is the best way to communicate versus aggressive, passive aggressive or passive  communication. When talking to your spouse speak in a non emotional calm voice and tell your spouse how you feel. Do not tell them what they are doing wrong, in your mind, blaming them in a loud or aggressive voice.

Fully listen to your spouse before formulating your thoughts, you can even repeat back to them “so I think I am hearing you say……….. is this correct”. Then formulate your thoughts and then speak. A lot of times we will start formulating our thoughts before the other person is done talking and then we do not full understand what they are saying.  If you feel you can benefit from marriage counseling please visit our web site starpointcounselingtampa.com or call us at 813-244-1251.

Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Deciding to commit to another and share in the journey of life is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Premarital counseling can be very beneficial to couples considering a long-term commitment such as marriage, which is why many attend before walking down the isle. You can think of premarital counseling as a way to create a solid foundation from which to build your marriage upon. Not only will the experience deepen your understanding of each other and enrich your relationship, it will help both of you identify and address issues that could potentially cause conflict later on. In fact, premarital counseling will assist you and your partner in developing effective skills for reducing and managing conflict now and in the future. Within a few sessions, you and your partner will learn the essential components of a successful relationship to ensure that your marriage is fulfilling, healthy, and happy!

Interested in premarital or marital counseling? Contact Star Point Counseling Center at (813) 244-1251. We also invite you to learn more about us by visiting starpointcounselingtampa.com!

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

The people we know and love the most are the same people we’re most awful to in word and deed. Often times it is because we expect too much from them. We hope that they can help us, that they can do all the things we are not capable of doing; moreover, that they have to do them, because of the love we invest in them. When they don’t, we feel disappointed and the natural instinct is to get angry and act out. Also, the people we love and care for are the ones who have the courage to be honest and tell us the truth, even when it hurts. And even though we know it is the truth, it still hurts and the pain can cause violent reactions

Many times we expect the people we love to just know what we are thinking, and when that doesn’t happen, we feel misunderstood. We wish they could make a journey inside our head and see things the way we see them, just because we think it is the right way. We simply can’t understand why they think differently and how they can miss something that seems so simple and obvious to us. In addition, we misunderstand them because we’re not always willing to try to understand them.

We love them but in the same time we hate them because they know our weaknesses and there’s no way we can hide. The mask we wear in relation with other people is put aside and all the things we usually try to hide come to the surface

Lastly, We trust them and we know deep in our hearts that, no matter what we do, they won’t stop loving us. We feel safe to take our frustrations on them because we think there will be no consequences. We hurt them most of the times because they let us hurt them.

7 Ways To Improve Your Marriage

  1. Did you know that couples wait an average of 6 years before seeking help for their relationship concerns? It’s important to address concerns early to prevent issues from growing.
  2. Avoid being critical toward your partner when disagreements arise. Instead, become inquisitive about their points of views. Open communication will help build a deeper understanding of your partner.
  3. Alter your approach when addressing concerns with your partner. Avoid blaming, criticizing, or becoming contemptuous, which only serve to escalate conflicts. Instead, take a deep breath and soften your approach.
  4. Remain flexible to your partner’s needs. Successful relationships involve both partners being able to rely on each other in times of need.
  5. Create and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationship.
  6. Learn how to deescalate an argument before it gets out of control. Effective communication is key.
  7. Focus on the positives! Successful couples focus on their partner’s positive attributes and the positives within their relationship, rather than the negatives.

If you would like Marriage Counseling or Relationship Counseling at Star Point Counseling Center then please call us at 813-244-1251.  starpointcentertampa.com

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY STAR POINT COUNSELING CENTER

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY TO STAR POINT COUNSELING CENTER. It was 5 years ago today Clarissa Crystal-Belle, LMHC, Co Founder/ Executive Clinical Director and Author saw her first client in a small rented office with an office chair and a card table. I know it is not the proper setting for a professional office but this client didn’t care, they just wanted to get in to see her. Sam DiFranco Co Founder/ Executive Business Director was managing Star Point Counseling Center from the lobby with a brief case and a lap top computer. We grew exponentially into multiple office and a counseling team of over 10 therapists helping thousands and thousands of clients. 5 years, where has the time gone! We look forward to helping thousands and thousands more clients in the future.

Standing your ground

Everyday, from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us. We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become molded by how we think other people perceive us.

Living a life that follows what other people think is a terrible way to live. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is —  everyone is thinking the exact same thing, and everyone is too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings to worry about others.

It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. There will always be people ,  no matter what we say or how we treat them , that will judge us. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you! Do not let other people’s perception of you effect your perception of yourself.

 

Black Lives Matter

Black lives matter, I truly believe that and that everyone is equal. African Americans have had inequalities since slaves were brought to America to be bought and sold. The Emancipation Proclamation was suppose to free slaves, and it did. However, the inequalities did not stop. The Union had troops in the southern states after the civil war to enforce that slaves were indeed free, although inequalities were rampant. The presidential election of 1876 changed that. Republican Rutherford B. Hayes was the northern states nominee and Democrat Samuel J. Tilden was the southern states nominee. The election was disputed and that led to The Compromise of 1877. The democrats agreed to give the presidency to Rutherford B. Hayes and in exchange they had to withdraw the Union troops out of the south. With the Union troops gone from the southern states the white plantation owners did whatever the wanted to do to the black people and the authorities turned the cheek and pretended to not notice. This practice went on for almost 100 years until the civil rights movement in the 1960’s, much overdo at that point.  If I was an African American living in the south from 1865 to 1965 I would gotten the heck out of there as soon as I could, why would they stay?

My concern is that the inequalities are focused on Black America and Black Lives Matter, which I totally agree, they do matter. But, how about the other ethnic groups in America? How about the Asian’s who helped build the railroads across our nation? How about the inequality right after Pearl Harbor when the U.S. Government rounded up as many Asians as they could find and put them in a barricaded area simply because of the way they looked. How about the Irish and Italian Immigrants who came to America from 1870 to 1925? They were the manual labor who helped build the industrialized cities with no labor laws and severe labor inequalities. How about the Hispanic immigrants who came to America in the last 50 years or so? They are feeling inequalities simply on a language barrier. How about the inequalities of women, they were treated as if they were stupid, weak and could not do anything except cook and clean. How about the current inequality on gay, lesbian and transgender people, the recent hate crimes in Orlando exposed the most recent inequality in America. How about the pre judgement and inequalities on Eastern Indian and Middle Eastern people in America after 9-11-2001?  How about the biggest inequality of all, the American Native’s? They welcomes the white man from England, taught them how to survive only to have their entire nation stripped of them piece by piece, broken treaty after broken treaty and then cast into the desert.

So, with that being said, I think we, as Americans, should change Black Lives Matter to All Lives Matter.

Living life according to “the plan”

“Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” ~John Lennon
       Getting fixated on plans will often times lead to disappointment. We tend to plan out our lives rigorously and not know what to do when things do not go as we anticipated. Sometimes you might need to make minor adjustments to your life plans in order to enjoy the journey of life. Other times, major changes might be necessary, either way, that’s your opportunity to experience all that this world has to offer.
     Learning to find joy and happiness with life’s surprises takes time, but you will no longer find yourself being constantly disappointed or stressed or looking around wondering what happened to the life you thought you’d have.
      You can develop the habit of seeing the good in everything, even when life doesn’t go according to “the plan.”
      If you are having a hard time coping with the changes in your life, at Star Point Counseling Center, we can help you. If you have any questions or wish to speak to a counselor please give us a call at (813)-244-1251

What is family?

I just watched game 7 of The NBA Championship Finals with the series tied at 3-3 and the game tied with less than 3 minutes left in the game. Golden State Warriors were up 3 games to 1 and the favorite to win the championship and only needed to win 1 more game out of the next 3 games to win the NBA Championship. Lebron James, arguably the best player in the world today, had a tough time in this series in the first 4 games. Lebron James watched The Godfather movies part 1 and 2 over and over before game 5 of the NBA Finals. Lebron learned from “The Godfather” to be calm and cool in all situations just like “The Godfather”, during the remaining 3 games of the NBA Finals from these 2 movies. Lebron James went on to  lead the Cleveland Cavaliers to a huge victory in game 5 of the NBA Finals, he credited his leadership in that game to “The Godfather”, not the intimidation and threatening ways to get what you want, but the calmness and coolness of “The Godfather” and to the structure of “The Family”. Only, Lebron’s “Family” was The Cleveland Cavalier’s Team. Lebron James took on the role of “The Godfather” and lead his family, The Cleveland Cavaliers, to victory in games 5, 6 and 7 to win the NBA Championship.

So, what is family? Is it parents, or a parent raising children blindly without leadership, or is it someone taking on the role of leadership in a calm, cool, nurturing way leading the way for 1 person, or a group of people to become something or someone more than what they are? A family can be blood relatives, a team of players, a team working together for a common goal or a group of people with common beliefs.  If you are a parent and have children don’t you want to step up to the plate and “lead” your children with calmness, coolness and a nurturing way so your children can become something or someone more than what they are today, reaching or surpassing any goals they have for themselves? Ever since “The Godfather” came out in 1972 everyone worldwide has repeated phrases from the move, we have all head them. The real message from “The Godfather” is family is paramount and you always have your family members back, no matter what, no matter what they say or do, you have your family members back and give them your support, and vice versa, family is someone you can always trust and count on for support, no matter what.

If you would like to learn to be a “Godfather” for your family, or would like to learn leadership skills for your family, team or group then please call Star Point Counseling Center at 813-244-1251. starpointcounselingtampa.com

 

Memorial Day

Most of us have come to know Memorial Day as a day off from work to have a back yard BBQ or go to the beach.

Lest not forget!

Lest not forget the true heroes of America, the men and women who sacrificed their lives so we can enjoy the freedoms and lives that we live today.

Lest not forget the sacrifices the Fathers of our country made and the people who fought in the Revolutionary War and again in the War of 1812 and all of the wars up to today and the wars we are currently in against terrorism.

Lest not forget the men and women who have come back from war with mental health issues like PTSD, Depression and an inability to adapt back into society.

Lest not forget Pearl Harbor and The World Trade Center.

LEST NOT FORGET!