A script can be understood as a sort of underlying principle, or as a set of rules utilized by the person. When scripts are activated, possibilities arise to get to know the underlying dynamics of the person. In short, self psychology, script theory, and the theory of affect–consciousness offer a consistent theoretical approach to work with GIM as music therapy as well as an adjunct to the verbal modality.
So how do couples know if there’s too much fighting in their relationship? That depends entirely on the couple. Some people have a high tolerance for confrontation. However, others are uncomfortable with any amount of arguing, so even a moderately disagreeable partner can be difficult for them to live with. Some couples may not argue much at all, but the one or two arguments they have might be so intense that as to threaten the entire marriage. Nevertheless, for most of us, we’re probably within acceptable limits if we’re able to keep our disagreements in perspective. We don’t allow them to interfere with other aspects of our relationship. Our overall thoughts about our marriage stay positive, we don’t harbor bad feelings long afterwards, and we enjoy our partner’s company during times of peace. Additionally, if we’re able to hammer out workable solutions as a result of our arguments, then we’re probably fighting with our partner as often as we need to.
More important than how often couples argue is how they behave when they do. Specifically, we’re referring to partners’ treatment towards each other in the heat of an argument. That in large part determines whether or not our communication is effective, and by that we mean it achieves the straightforward objectives of a problem and we do it efficiently. We’re efficient when our disagreements are not drawn out longer than necessary, they don’t move on to topics that have nothing to do with the original problem, they don’t escalate to personal attacks or a rehashing of past disappointments and resentments, and both partners feel better about each other when they’ve ended.
It is normal for children to be oppositional and defiant at least some of the time. In fact, it’s a sign of healthy development. So when does a child have oppositional defiant disorder? The diagnosis should not be given, for example, to a toddler who has just discovered that her new favorite word is “no.”
ODD is typically diagnosed around early elementary school ages and stops being diagnosed around adolescence. Kids who have ODD have a well-established pattern of behavior problems. Symptoms include:
Being unusually angry and irritable
Frequently losing their temper
Being easily annoyed
Arguing with authority figures
Refusing to follow rules
Deliberately annoying people
Blaming others for mistakes
All children can have these symptoms from time to time. What distinguishes ODD from normal oppositional behavior is how severe it is, and how long it has been going on for. A child with ODD will have had extreme behavior issues for at least six months.
Another hallmark of ODD is the toll it takes on family relationships. Regular daily frustrations — ignored commands, arguments, explosive outbursts — build up over time, and these negative interactions damage the parent-child bond and reinforce hostile patterns of behavior.
You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.