How Often Do You Argue?

So how do couples know if there’s too much fighting in their relationship? That depends entirely on the couple. Some people have a high tolerance for confrontation. However, others are uncomfortable with any amount of arguing, so even a moderately disagreeable partner can be difficult for them to live with. Some couples may not argue much at all, but the one or two arguments they have might be so intense that as to threaten the entire marriage. Nevertheless, for most of us, we’re probably within acceptable limits if we’re able to keep our disagreements in perspective. We don’t allow them to interfere with other aspects of our relationship. Our overall thoughts about our marriage stay positive, we don’t harbor bad feelings long afterwards, and we enjoy our partner’s company during times of peace. Additionally, if we’re able to hammer out workable solutions as a result of our arguments, then we’re probably fighting with our partner as often as we need to.

More important than how often couples argue is how they behave when they do. Specifically, we’re referring to partners’ treatment towards each other in the heat of an argument. That in large part determines whether or not our communication is effective, and by that we mean it achieves the straightforward objectives of a problem and we do it efficiently. We’re efficient when our disagreements are not drawn out longer than necessary, they don’t move on to topics that have nothing to do with the original problem, they don’t escalate to personal attacks or a rehashing of past disappointments and resentments, and both partners feel better about each other when they’ve ended.


How to Value Yourself

You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.

Distinguishing Behavioral Disorder, Emotional Disorder or Mental Health

Among all the dilemmas facing a parent of a child with emotional or behavioral problems, the first question whether the child’s behavior is sufficiently different to require a comprehensive evaluation by professionals may be the most troublesome of all. Even when a child exhibits negative behaviors, members of a family may not all agree on whether the behaviors are serious.

For instance, children who have frequent temper outbursts or who destroy toys may appear to have a serious problem to some parents, while others see the same behavior as asserting independence or showing leadership skills.

Every child faces emotional difficulties from time to time, as do adults. Feelings of sadness, loss, or emotional extremes are part of growing up. Conflicts between parents and children are also inevitable as children struggle from the terrible twos through adolescence to develop their own identities. These are normal changes in behavior due to growth and development. Such problems can be more common in times of change for the family, such as the death of a grandparent or family member, a new child, or a move. Generally, these kinds of problems tend to fade on their own or with limited visits to a counselor or other mental health professional as children adjust to the changes in their lives.

Problems in School

If school problems aren’t picked up and addressed early, they can be bad for children in the long term.

To start with, school problems might contribute to poor self-esteem. In the longer term, they can affect your child’s mental health.

School problems can also lead to an increased risk of dropping out. Children who have academic problems might be more likely to avoid school in the short term and to leave school early in the long term. These children might also be less likely to do further education or training in the future.

Another consequence of school problems is that children can get tagged with unhelpful labels like ‘uninterested’, ‘easily distracted’, ‘lazy’ or ‘doesn’t try hard enough’. Young people often start to believe these labels and think that they’re ‘troublemakers’ or ‘misfits’. All these labels suggest that children are to blame for school problems. But school problems are often a sign that children aren’t getting enough support.

Finally, when children fit in at school and feel like they belong, it’s good for their well-being. But children who have problems at school can experience a reduced sense of belonging and well-being.

Causes of school problems

Some of the more common causes of school problems are underlying learning difficulties or learning disabilities – like dyslexia – or behavioral or emotional issues. But there are many other reasons why a young person might not be achieving academically.

Personal factors might include:

  • chronic illness
  • mental health issues like depression or anxiety
  • experiences of trauma
  • difficulties with self-esteem, communication skills or social skills
  • difficulties with listening, concentrating or sitting still.

Trust Issues Where Do They Come From?

Often, issues with trust arise based on experiences and interactions in the early phases of life, primarily childhood. A person who did not receive adequate nurturing, affection, and acceptance or who was abused, violated, or mistreated as a child will often find difficulty in establishing trust as an adult.

Likewise, adolescent experiences of either social rejection or acceptance may shape a person’s ability to trust those around him or her. For instance, if someone is mocked, teased, or treated as an outcast by his or her peers during the teenage years, this will influence later relationships. Being betrayed or belittled by others impacts self esteem, which also plays a significant role in a person’s capacity to trust. Basically, those who experience low self-esteem will be less likely to put their trust in those around them than those who are more self-assured.

Problem Solving

The term problem solving is used in many, many, many disciplines, sometimes with different perspectives, visuals and often with different terminologies. Problems can also be classified into two different types (ill-defined and well-defined) from which appropriate solutions are to be made. Ill-defined problems are those that do not have clear goals, solution paths, or expected solution. Well-defined problems have specific goals, clearly defined solution paths, and clear expected solutions. These problems also allow for more initial planning than ill-defined problems. Being able to solve problems sometimes involves dealing with pragmatic (logic) and semantics (interpretation of the problem). The ability to understand what the goal of the problem is and what rules could be applied represent the key to solving the problem. Sometimes the problem requires some abstract thinking and coming up with a creative solution.

Children’s Reaction to Trauma

Children and teens can have extreme reactions to trauma, but their symptoms may not be the same as adults. In very young children (less than 6 years of age), these symptoms can include:

  • Wetting the bed after having learned to use the toilet
  • Forgetting how to or being unable to talk
  • Acting out the scary event during playtime
  • Being unusually clingy with a parent or other adult

Older children and teens are more likely to show symptoms similar to those seen in adults. They may also develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilty for not preventing injury or deaths. They may also have thoughts of revenge.

Coping with Anger

Anger problems can make you feel isolated from others, dissatisfied with life, and completely misunderstood. When you have a difficult time dealing with your anger, it can be hard to accomplish what you want to do or develop the relationships you would like to have. Yet, the person who has anger issues doesn’t always recognize the source of their difficulty. They may think others are at fault for pushing their buttons or even feel that the universe is against them.

Yet, realizing that the problem lies in how you choose to deal with your anger can be very freeing. Knowing what is actually happening can help you feel more in tune with yourself. Understanding that you can take charge of your responses can help you deal with the uncomfortable emotions surrounding your anger. And, once you can honestly say the words “I have anger issues,” you can begin the work of overcoming them.

Other Illnesses/Bipolar Disorder

Some bipolar disorder symptoms are similar to other illnesses, which can make it hard for a doctor to make a diagnosis. In addition, many people have bipolar disorder along with another illness such as anxiety disorder, substance abuse, or an eating disorder. People with bipolar disorder are also at higher risk for thyroid disease, migraine headaches, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and other physical illnesses.

Psychosis: Sometimes, a person with severe episodes of mania or depression also has psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations or delusions. The psychotic symptoms tend to match the person’s extreme mood. For example:

  • Someone having psychotic symptoms during a manic episode may believe she is famous, has a lot of money, or has special powers.
  • Someone having psychotic symptoms during a depressive episode may believe he is ruined and penniless, or that he has committed a crime.

As a result, people with bipolar disorder who also have psychotic symptoms are sometimes misdiagnosed with schizophrenia.

Anxiety and ADHD: Anxiety disorders and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are often diagnosed among people with bipolar disorder.

Substance Abuse: People with bipolar disorder may also misuse alcohol or drugs, have relationship problems, or perform poorly in school or at work. Family, friends and people experiencing symptoms may not recognize these problems as signs of a major mental illness such as bipolar disorder.

Stages of Grief

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that’s okay. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.