The ‘F’ Word: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a voluntary and intentional process by which you have a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense.

The rule is simply this: forgive. This is sincerely the best thing you can do in your marriage and really the only way to keep your marriage intact for the rest of your life. It takes letting go of negative emotions such as anger or vengefulness, and the ability to wish the offender well. Studies have shown that forgiveness inspires love and can be healing in many ways.

Use these tips to keep forgiveness at the heart of your marriage:

1.      Look at both sides of the story.

There are often simple explanations for frustrating behavior, but you have to be willing to see both sides. Too often, spouses jump to conclusions and immediately go into a blaming or defensive mode instead of looking reasonably at both sides of the story. If everyone looked at themselves first before attacking their partners, many fights would be dispersed before they even began. When you can view both sides honestly, it is easier to find forgiveness because you see what part you contributed in the fight.

2.      Practice a policy of open honesty, but not necessarily all the time.

Some spouses operate on the premise that honesty is the best policy no matter the circumstances. In reality, this is not true in marriage. When you hear that honesty is important in a marriage, it is. But it doesn’t mean cruelty or lack of tact is necessary. Honesty means not lying about how much you spent shopping and if your husband asks how you are, do not say ‘fine’ when you don’t mean it. If you need to, schedule a time each week that is your ‘honest’ time. When you have both had a chance to air your grievances, it will be easier to follow number 1 above.

3.      Imagine your spouse dying or leaving you.

This isn’t something that you usually hear recommended in a marriage. But it is a simple and powerful way to remind yourself of how much you love your spouse. When you are feeling especially angry, think about how you would feel if he or she died before you sorted out your feelings. Would this incident be of importance? This is not to say that you should pretend to be happy all the time because he or she might die. This is just another way to look at your marriage and realize how much you do love each other and want the marriage to go forward.

4.      Think about how forgiving will also help you.

Holding on to negative feelings and grudges is extra emotional weight you don’t need. You have likely upset your spouse at times too. There is  no way to exist in any long term relationship without some misunderstandings and doing unintentional harm. Forgiving will be freeing for you and is likely to bring you the same in return from your partner.

 

By following these simple guidelines, you will find that you can forgive your husband or wife more quickly. Throughout your relationship, you will frequently have moments of “rupture and repair.”  There are times you both go off course and will need to correct it. This is quite normal. Love always follows forgiveness. So, put these ideas into practice to strengthen your bond and ensure that you are truly together until death do you part.

At Star Point Counseling Center, there are two convenient locations for you to choose from in Brandon and Tampa. Call or Text us today, to schedule your appointment. (813) 244.1251
 To view the Brandon website, click here.

We provide counseling services to individuals, couples, families, children, teens, and adults with any type of crises.  We help you build tools as well as help design and implement individualized goals and objectives, help you sort out beliefs, thoughts, and behavior patterns that may be hindering you in your relationship(s) whether at the work place or in other areas of your life.  
 
We have the tools you need for managing pain, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, or anger resulting from circumstances that interfere in achieving a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.  By working together, we will show you how to set and achieve goals and objectives therapeutically designed to meet your needs that will allow you to live the life you know that you deserve.

 

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

 

 

 

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Why do we hurt the ones we love?

The people we know and love the most are the same people we’re most awful to in word and deed. Often times it is because we expect too much from them. We hope that they can help us, that they can do all the things we are not capable of doing; moreover, that they have to do them, because of the love we invest in them. When they don’t, we feel disappointed and the natural instinct is to get angry and act out. Also, the people we love and care for are the ones who have the courage to be honest and tell us the truth, even when it hurts. And even though we know it is the truth, it still hurts and the pain can cause violent reactions

Many times we expect the people we love to just know what we are thinking, and when that doesn’t happen, we feel misunderstood. We wish they could make a journey inside our head and see things the way we see them, just because we think it is the right way. We simply can’t understand why they think differently and how they can miss something that seems so simple and obvious to us. In addition, we misunderstand them because we’re not always willing to try to understand them.

We love them but in the same time we hate them because they know our weaknesses and there’s no way we can hide. The mask we wear in relation with other people is put aside and all the things we usually try to hide come to the surface

Lastly, We trust them and we know deep in our hearts that, no matter what we do, they won’t stop loving us. We feel safe to take our frustrations on them because we think there will be no consequences. We hurt them most of the times because they let us hurt them.

Standing your ground

Everyday, from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us. We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become molded by how we think other people perceive us.

Living a life that follows what other people think is a terrible way to live. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is —  everyone is thinking the exact same thing, and everyone is too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings to worry about others.

It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. There will always be people ,  no matter what we say or how we treat them , that will judge us. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you! Do not let other people’s perception of you effect your perception of yourself.

 

Living life according to “the plan”

“Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” ~John Lennon
       Getting fixated on plans will often times lead to disappointment. We tend to plan out our lives rigorously and not know what to do when things do not go as we anticipated. Sometimes you might need to make minor adjustments to your life plans in order to enjoy the journey of life. Other times, major changes might be necessary, either way, that’s your opportunity to experience all that this world has to offer.
     Learning to find joy and happiness with life’s surprises takes time, but you will no longer find yourself being constantly disappointed or stressed or looking around wondering what happened to the life you thought you’d have.
      You can develop the habit of seeing the good in everything, even when life doesn’t go according to “the plan.”
      If you are having a hard time coping with the changes in your life, at Star Point Counseling Center, we can help you. If you have any questions or wish to speak to a counselor please give us a call at (813)-244-1251

Alcohol Controls My Life

What alcohol has to say…

 I’ll invade all your thoughts, I’ll take hostage your soul

I’ll become your new master, in total control

I’ll maim your emotions, I’ll run the whole game

Till your entire existence is crippled with shame.

When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise

Quite often I’ll take you by total surprise.

But take you I will, and just as you’ve feared

Ill want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared.

I bring self destruction, but still you can’t tell

I’ll sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell,

I’ll chase you forever wherever you go,

And then when I catch you, you won’t even know.

Troubled Teens

Parenting a teen is never easy, especially if they are taking part in reckless behaviors like abusing alcohol, using drugs, or is violent and depressed.  While parenting a troubled teen can often seem like an impossible task, there are steps you can take to ease the chaos at home and help your teen become a successful adult.

As they grow older, teens begin to assert their independence, because of this, they may experience behavioral changes that can seem bizarre to the parents.  Therefor, it is important for parents to understand which behaviors are normal during adolescent development and which are indicators of a more serious problem.

  • Changing in appearance is typical teen behavior, although if it is accompanied by problems at school or self-harm it is a problem.
  • Mood swings are normal due to hormone changes, although sudden persistent sadness, anxiety, or sleep problems can be a sign of depression.
  • Increased arguments is typical teen behavior as they begin to seek independence, although violence at home, getting in fights at school, and run-ins with the law are all red flags.

If you see a red flag behavior in you teen you should consult a doctor, counselor or therapist. At Star Point Counseling Center, we specialize in helping troubled teens get back on the right track. We can help your teen through the stages of change, to increase compliance with rules and laws, encourage positive peer selection, improve academic status, and overall goal directed behavior. If you have any questions or wish to speak to a counselor please give us a call at (813)-244-1251.

Family Stress

Family dynamics significantly impact one’s health in both positive and negative ways. Having a close-knit and supportive family provides emotional support, economic well-being, and increases overall health. Although, the opposite is also true. One’s health tends to be negatively affected by family stress and conflict. Families characterized by conflict, anger, and aggression have a particularly negative effect on the children in the home.

At Start Point Counseling Center, we can help you identify specific family dynamics that compromise the quality of home life for you and your children. We encourage strong, loving, high functioning, and spiritually grounded family lifestyles.

Without pointing the finger of blame, shame or chastisement, we work to identify the factors that may contribute to a breakdown in communication in the home. So, if you are experiencing tension and stress from your family dynamic please visit our website starpointcounselingtampa.com or give us a call at (813)-244-1251.

Enjoy the little things…Holiday stress!

Sometimes it is difficult to remember to sit back and enjoy the holidays with the people you love. We spend so much time shopping, wrapping presents, returning presents, and attending holiday parties, all while already attending to our already busy schedule.

Here are some times to help you enjoy the holidays:

  • Try to find peace and joy in the season and focus on the moment you are in and not about the future.
  • Plan ahead, sometimes starting early with the decorations will help set your mind to ease. It’s never fun procrastinating setting up the Christmas tree and spending weeks worrying about it.
  • Try to keep the same routine for your kids, because they feel more secure when their days follow a predictable order. This helps keep your household peaceful and running well.
  • Remember what the holidays are about. Try not to get caught up so much with the physical aspects of the holidays, but instead remember its about spending time with the people you love. Try to shop less and focus on family time and de-stressing. Don’t forget to laugh! Laughter is the best medicine! 🙂

Grieving the loss of a loved one

Grieving is something that everyone endures at one point in their life. It is an individual experience that depends on someone’s personality, coping style, life experiences, and faith. The grieving process takes time and cannot be forces or hastened.

Here are some misconceptions are grieving:

  • The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. This may be in the form of therapy and talking it out.

  • It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.

Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. When grieving, it is important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold without holding yourself back, from fear or being “weak.”

  • Grief should last about a year only

There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person. Some people start to feel better in weeks, while it takes others years to cope with their loss.

At Star Point Counseling Center, we have licensed counseling therapists available to help you get through the loss of a loved one. So, if you are having a problem coping with a loss and want to talk about it and learn ways to move forward please visit our website at  starpointcounselingtampa.com  or give us a call at (813)-244-1251.

 

Tips for social anxiety

Many people endure shyness, panic and anxiety even to the thought of having to meet or mingle with others. They will experience dry mouth, pounding heart, shaky voice, rapid breathing, sweating, blushing and an upset stomach. Because of this, they tend to avoid people all together. Here are some tips to help you if you are experiencing these symptoms:

  • Relax prepare yourself for whats to come and begin to think about the situation while in a relaxed state.
  • Seek out social situations actively put yourself in social situations so they will become “normal” and  not something that builds up dear anymore.
  • Ask questions social phobia has us worrying about what other people think about us. Cultivate curiosity and ask people open questions and interact with them.
  • Be yourself don’t be scared to “make a fool’ our of yourself or worry about being “perfect.” Just relax and be yourself!

At Star Point Counseling Center, we have licensed counseling therapists available to help you social anxiety. So, if you are having a problem interacting with people or going to new places and want to talk about it and learn ways to cope with your anxiety, please visit our websitestarpointcounselingtampa.com or give us a call at (813)-244-1251.