When you were younger, do you remember thinking about what your future would look like? Do you remember deciding what your future spouse would look like, how many children and pets you would have, where you would live, and even what you would be doing as a profession? Yes, those days were fun. We were able to imagine ourselves being great and having a wonderful life. I think that for most people only good thoughts were thought about because I don’t recall ever hearing anyone mention how they would parent their children. I also don’t think that I ever heard anyone discuss what their lives would look like once they decided to not have anymore children or even how that would feel.
The truth is, that while living the dreams of our past’s future we may have messed up along the way. We may have gotten so out of touch with what our real goals in life once were that we began to lose ourselves and we may have even lost sight of those precious dreams. Did your life turn out the way that you pictured it? If not, that’s okay, things don’t always work out exactly as planned. Okay, maybe never, but still… that’s okay. The real question is: “Are you happy?” Are you happy with the choices that you have made for your children? Are you happy with the relationship between your children and your spouse? Are you happy with how you are treated and how you treat others?
Regardless of the details of the future that you had planned, does it “feel” the way that you always wanted it to? Think back to the promises that you made for child when he/she was born, when you first gazed into those beautiful eyes and made those promises of what you would always be for your child. Are you fulfilling those promises that you made?
It’s not too late. Start a new path. Fulfill those promises. “I promise to always be an understanding father and listen to you when you need someone to talk to.” “I promise to love you unconditionally.” “I promise to always give you my best.” We all have bad days. We all make mistakes. But, it does not mean that for the rest of our lives each day has to be “bad.” Get up and dust that dirt off your shoulders. Allow your brokenhearted teenager to cry on your shoulder. Be understanding that your child may have just had a bad day… like you. It happens. We have bad days. Who do you have to talk to that will listen to you? Who does your child have? Be to them who you needed when you were younger. It’s not too late.
Star Point Counseling
Call or text for an appointment: (813) 244-1251
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At what age are we supposed to stop blaming our parents for our lives? Is there such an age? While we may feel that the way our life has turned out is our parents fault due to their mistakes with us, the truth is that we have more power than we think we do. As an adult, we should be able to look at our childhood situations from a different perspective. Meaning, we are able to understand the situations that our parents were in and how that situation played a part in their actions and behavior. We may not have made the same choices as them now looking back, but we are able to understand what shaped their decision making. If there was substance abuse in the mix, then all the more reason to understand why poor choices were made. Once we understand that, then it is time to forgive and move on. Our parents are not to blame for our adult mistakes. We may not be ready to forgive them… and that is okay. Learn how to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being fooled. Forgive yourself for feeling as if you had no choice. Forgive yourself for not speaking up. Forgive yourself.
We know what we need to do and it is time to do it. Most of us know what we should be doing instead, but it is too easy to stay in the same place. It is too easy to blame others. We are so afraid of failing and not having anyone besides ourselves to blame. Do we have to blame anyone? What about if we twist that perspective a bit? Each mistake is a learning lesson. The truth is we do not have to blame anyone. If anything, we could possible go as far as thanking them. Thank you for these mistakes. Thank you for this negative time. Thank you for showing me what I do not want in my life or for my family. If you mess up, forgive yourself and try again.
Now, just because we may forgive ourselves or others do not mean that we should forget about the lesson that we learned from it. Reflect and re-do. Set your goals and then make your game plan. How do you plan on reaching your goals without a game plan? Do something different. Do not be afraid to fail, learn from the failure. Make some positive changes for yourself and for your family this year. Quit playing the blame game, is there ever a winner in that game?
#foodforthought #Tampa #newyear #counseling #therapy #relationshipgoals #newyou #January #familygoals #couplegoals #familytherapy #couplestherapy #familycounseling #couplescounseling #griefcounseling #depression #teentherapy #adolescenttherapy #coping #2017
It seems that everywhere we go we keep hearing about who/what 2016 has taken from us. While we may have all experienced pain and sadness at some point during the year, what about everything that 2016 gave us? While the year may have had some harsh times and we may have done things that we are not proud of, I think we can all agree that 2016 taught us something. Learning experiences. Better ideas. Another step closer to finding out who we are as a person and what we stand for and maybe even what we won’t stand for.
At the end of the day, are you happy with your choices? Have you learned to ask for forgiveness? Have you learned how to forgive others and yourself? If you are tired of not having joy in your life, are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, experiencing grief or are afraid of the “what ifs,” give us a call. You don’t have to go through 2017 alone.
Live life to the fullest and don’t be afraid. Make good choices. Are you ready to make 2017 the best year yet?
Star Point Counseling Center
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Have you ever been in an argument that you were so ready to tell the other person off because you just knew, without a doubt, that you were right?
Most of the time, the arguments that are the hardest to work out are the ones where both people are right. Both sides make a good point and they each make sense. So how do you decide what to do? What’s the next step? For some, they may try to avoid the situation. For others, they may continue to try to persuade the other person into thinking their way and when the other person doesn’t budge a brand new argument erupts. Sound familiar?
If you know the feelings behind their actions, it is easier to remedy the situation. Stop for a minute and think what the situation looks like from the outside looking in. Are you able to see from their perspective? Are you trying or even willing to stop trying to be right and understand what they are feeling… are they willing to do the same? We must learn to validate, rather than judge and dismiss other’s views and perspectives. Rather than judging others for “what” they think, maybe we can stop and look at their experiences that have led them to think that way in the first place. We all have our battles. We all have our challenges. We all are going through things that, often times, nobody else may know about. Be kind. Listen. Let’s let our guard down for just one moment and imagine what it would feel like to read what our partner, family member, friend is feeling and what they are trying to convey to us. While they may be saying hurtful things, try to look at the big picture. What may seem like anger and hate could actually be hurt and pain. Nobody wants to look weak. Meet them in the middle. Listen to understand, don’t listen to ask your next question. Give, receive, and celebrate as you go along.
Let us teach you the tools you need to enrich your relationships. Only you can decide when enough is enough.
Give us a call/text today: (813) 244-1251
Star Point Counseling
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The holidays are here. If you find yourself having difficulty coming to terms with the idea that you will be seeing family members that you would rather not see, remind yourself that you have rights. While being respectful, stand up for your rights. Does the outcome outweigh the bad? If you say something, will it be worth it? If you find yourself on the wrong end and make a mistake, remember: While apologies help, compassion will go much farther than an apology ever will.
When speaking to your family members, try to remember to respond rather than to react. If this sounds easier said than done, give us a call.
Star Point Counseling Center
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Do you remember when your relationship was new? Do you remember what that felt like? All of those good feelings wrapped up inside you…. As the years go by, some of us may lose that feeling and we begin to think that it no longer exists for that special person in our lives. Anger has a way of fooling us. The longer we sweep things under the rug the bigger that mound gets. Anger has a way of hiding love. “It is there but you can’t see or feel it, because anger is in the way” (C.S. Belle, 2014). If you are tired of pretending and just going through the motions or if you are tired of thinking that you are being noble and saying that you are staying “for the kids,” let’s remember all those good feelings and all of the wonderful reasons that we originally chose our partner. Give us a call, let’s work on forgiving, healing, and discovering what once made you both joyous.
Quoted from: Therapy in Action with Insights and Strategies for Anyone Living or Working with Troubled Kids, written by C.S. Belle.
Get your copy here:
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Have we become so attached to others that we have lost touch with ourselves? Let’s learn to stop worrying or obsessing about our partner or family member’s every action and allow life to happen so that we can enjoy living in the moment.
Want to learn to live in the moment? Let’s talk today.
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3 cooking tips for Thanksgiving Dinner.
- If you stuff your turkey make sure the middle if the stuffing is 165 degrees. If your turkey is done and the stuffing is not 165 degrees then simply transfer the stuffing to an oven safe pan and continue cooking until you reach 165 degrees.
- If your turkey skin is golden brown but the turkey is not done cooking then simply cover the turkey with foil.
- let your turkey rest 15-20 minutes before carving so the juices settle into the met.
Although racism and bigotry have been in our schools for years now, the media has only recently exposed it within our country. Therapy in Action with Troubled Kids (C.S. Belle, 2014) will help readers to identify and overcome those challenges that they may face on a day to day basis.
Find your copy of Therapy in Action with Trouble Kids, written by C.S. Belle at: https://www.amazon.com/Therapy-Action-C-S-Belle/dp/1621833283/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1479501935&sr=1-1&keywords=therapy+in+action
If you’re tired of arguing and ready to make some positive changes, we’re here and ready to help you take that step. Let’s learn to compromise in a way that’s acceptable to each person involved. Put your gloves away and put on your shoes, we’re ready when you are.
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