How Can I Trust Again

If you’ve been burned in the past, it’s understandable that you might have a hard time trusting other people. It can help to remind yourself that your new partner is NOT your old partner (or your friend, family member, or whoever broke your trust before), and making assumptions about them based on the actions of a completely different person isn’t really fair. Even if you’ve been hurt before, that’s not an excuse for checking up on your new partner or demanding that they prove their trustworthiness to you. As we’ve said, trust is a choice, and building on that trust within a relationship takes time. When we begin a relationship with someone, we’re making the choice to trust them. If you feel that you aren’t able to trust anyone else right now, you might not be ready to be in a relationship.

It’s worth noting that being able to trust yourself is an important component in trusting others. Being hurt by someone in the past may have affected your ability to trust yourself and your own instincts. Just remember that the person who broke your trust in the past made that choice; you can’t take responsibility for someone else’s actions or decisions. If you’re struggling with this, taking time to work through it, maybe with a counselor or therapist, could be very helpful in regaining trust in yourself and your ability to trust others.

Are you dealing with trust issues? Our therapist are here to help. Call, chat or text with an advocate today! We can be reached by phone at (813) 244-1251 or online at:

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

We provide counseling services to individuals, couples, families, children, teens, and adults with any type of crises.  We help you build tools as well as help design and implement individualized goals and objectives, help you sort out beliefs, thoughts, and behavior patterns that may be hindering you in your relationship(s) whether at the work place or in other areas of your life.  
 
We have the tools you need for managing pain, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, or anger resulting from circumstances that interfere in achieving a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.  By working together, we will show you how to set and achieve goals and objectives therapeutically designed to meet your needs that will allow you to live the life you know that you deserve.

 

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Coping with Major Life Changes

Coping with Major Life Changes

It’s okay to be emotional. It’s natural to have feelings of sadness, to grieve over the loss of something, to feel angry about your situation, or to place blame. You have permission to feel that way, but only for moments. You can have your pity party, but only for a day or two, and then you have to move on. If you spend too much time in that place of anger or pity or blame, you end up not being able to adapt to your change. It keeps you in a place of helplessness. And what you need to be is in a place of hope and of growth.

2. You can give yourself permission to be vulnerable: Some of us like to project an image of being strong and fearless, but sometimes it’s not the truth. The truth is that we’re scared, vulnerable, weak and in need of help. We need to allow ourselves to rely on others. And showing that vulnerability is OK. It may feel like you are exposed, but being completely exposed is not always a bad thing. There is always learning and growth that can come from it. You allow people to really see you and when they can see you, can know your stress or pain, they can help. Vulnerability is just part of who we are as people.

3. You are never alone: Sometimes when we go through major changes we think we are dealing with something no one else can understand or no one else is going through. But there are others that can empathize with you. You’re not alone. Even if you don’t ask people to be around you, family and close friends will come to your side. You’re also never alone because you always have yourself to rely on. And ultimately none of us are separate from the Creator or separate from the universe. So the idea of being alone is a false one.

4. You have to ask for help: Often people don’t know what to say or what to do. Some people get stuck because they don’t know what to say or what to do. Sometimes people are natural caregivers. They jump right in to help. But these are the minority. So it is your job to tell people what to say and what to do that will be helpful.  Being able to clearly articulate what you need gives people a sense of relief. In the end, people really like to be told how they can help you in very specific terms. They need it defined for them so they can feel like they are helping and supporting you. Left on their own to guess this information, they feel helpless. And when they feel helpless they do not act. So empower them and empower yourself by letting them know specifically how they can help.

5. You can adapt to anything. Our ability to adapt is amazing. Necessity is the mother of invention and you will naturally find ways to solve your problems and do things in new and different ways when you’re presented with challenges. The adaptability and flexibility of our spirits and of our beings is a given. Those who cannot change and adapt have convinced themselves it is not possible. If you trust that you can adapt, then you will. And if you believe that you can change, then you will, no matter what the challenge.

6. You have to have hope for the future: Having that hope and having the positive perspective is what keeps you moving forward every day. If you give up that belief it would be like letting go of a rope that pulls you forward. Believing that things can and will be different, and that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see it now, is the most important thing in getting through a change process. Knowing that there is an end in sight, knowing there are possibilities, and having hope that things are going to be better. And, ultimately, things are going to work out.

7. You will grow as a person, but you are still the same: Going through a change, especially one that is traumatic, changes you forever. It changes how you see life and deal with things. You’re never going to be the same again and that’s a good thing. Because in the midst of change is a great deal of learning, if you are willing to have vision and perspective. And if you are willing to continually ask yourself the question, “What am I supposed to be learning from this?” “How am I supposed to grow?” “How will I become a better person because of this?” In any change process, you can become stronger, and a better version of you. Just because something changes about you, even something radical, doesn’t change the core of who you are as a person. Having something different about you doesn’t make you a different human being. If you are strong and centered and grounded, that is still who you are. Sometimes you have to remind yourself of that.

Star Point Counseling Center provides solution focused counseling for couples, families, and individuals by licensed Therapists to the extended Tampa, Brandon, Plant City, and Riverview areas. We can see you the day you call or whenever possible. We are available evening and weekends by appointment.

At Star Point Counseling Center, there are two convenient locations for you to choose from in Brandon and Tampa. So call or text us today, or anytime, to schedule your appointment. We can be reached by phone or text at (813) 244-1251 or online at:

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

The ‘F’ Word: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a voluntary and intentional process by which you have a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense.

The rule is simply this: forgive. This is sincerely the best thing you can do in your marriage and really the only way to keep your marriage intact for the rest of your life. It takes letting go of negative emotions such as anger or vengefulness, and the ability to wish the offender well. Studies have shown that forgiveness inspires love and can be healing in many ways.

Use these tips to keep forgiveness at the heart of your marriage:

1.      Look at both sides of the story.

There are often simple explanations for frustrating behavior, but you have to be willing to see both sides. Too often, spouses jump to conclusions and immediately go into a blaming or defensive mode instead of looking reasonably at both sides of the story. If everyone looked at themselves first before attacking their partners, many fights would be dispersed before they even began. When you can view both sides honestly, it is easier to find forgiveness because you see what part you contributed in the fight.

2.      Practice a policy of open honesty, but not necessarily all the time.

Some spouses operate on the premise that honesty is the best policy no matter the circumstances. In reality, this is not true in marriage. When you hear that honesty is important in a marriage, it is. But it doesn’t mean cruelty or lack of tact is necessary. Honesty means not lying about how much you spent shopping and if your husband asks how you are, do not say ‘fine’ when you don’t mean it. If you need to, schedule a time each week that is your ‘honest’ time. When you have both had a chance to air your grievances, it will be easier to follow number 1 above.

3.      Imagine your spouse dying or leaving you.

This isn’t something that you usually hear recommended in a marriage. But it is a simple and powerful way to remind yourself of how much you love your spouse. When you are feeling especially angry, think about how you would feel if he or she died before you sorted out your feelings. Would this incident be of importance? This is not to say that you should pretend to be happy all the time because he or she might die. This is just another way to look at your marriage and realize how much you do love each other and want the marriage to go forward.

4.      Think about how forgiving will also help you.

Holding on to negative feelings and grudges is extra emotional weight you don’t need. You have likely upset your spouse at times too. There is  no way to exist in any long term relationship without some misunderstandings and doing unintentional harm. Forgiving will be freeing for you and is likely to bring you the same in return from your partner.

 

By following these simple guidelines, you will find that you can forgive your husband or wife more quickly. Throughout your relationship, you will frequently have moments of “rupture and repair.”  There are times you both go off course and will need to correct it. This is quite normal. Love always follows forgiveness. So, put these ideas into practice to strengthen your bond and ensure that you are truly together until death do you part.

At Star Point Counseling Center, there are two convenient locations for you to choose from in Brandon and Tampa. Call or Text us today, to schedule your appointment. (813) 244.1251
 To view the Brandon website, click here.

We provide counseling services to individuals, couples, families, children, teens, and adults with any type of crises.  We help you build tools as well as help design and implement individualized goals and objectives, help you sort out beliefs, thoughts, and behavior patterns that may be hindering you in your relationship(s) whether at the work place or in other areas of your life.  
 
We have the tools you need for managing pain, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, or anger resulting from circumstances that interfere in achieving a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.  By working together, we will show you how to set and achieve goals and objectives therapeutically designed to meet your needs that will allow you to live the life you know that you deserve.

 

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

 

 

 

Therapy for Blended Families

Blended families are very common and can produce wonderful experiences as well as unique challenges.  The step parent – step child relationship can be fragile at times.  The same can be said for adoptive siblings, step siblings, and half siblings.  You may find yourself needing a family therapist.  Family counseling can help you deal with any jealousy or resentment that may be undermining the situation, and restore peace and harmony to your home.

If any of the following, fit your situation, you can benefit from family counseling.

  • Is your blended family just not blending?
  • Are you a stepmom struggling with his kids?
  • Are you a Dad struggling with parenting in a stepfamily?
  • Is your relationship not what you expected?
  • Is discipline a problem?
  • Are your step kids disrespectful?
  • Who comes first partner or the child?
  • ​​Do you sometimes feel like an outsider?

At Affordable Counseling Center, we take the time to focus on the partnership of the family and use actionable processes to address the issues of: partnership, couple strength, discipline, roles, organization, conflict of loyalties, and the ex spouse, if applicable.

Call Affordable Counseling Center today. We have offices in Brandon and Tampa and will work around your schedule. Call or text us at; (813) 244-1251. We are also online at:

http://www.affordablecounseningbrandon.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

Are you depressed?

Understanding Depression

Depression is a serious, but common, illness: One in 10 adults report experiencing depression, and the condition is the most common cause of disability in the United States. The lifetime risk of any individual person becoming depressed is around 17 percent, and most people have their first bout of depression in their late teens or early twenties. The condition is slightly more common among women, but some researchers speculate that this may be because men are less likely to seek help or because their symptoms are more likely to manifest as anger than sadness.

Both environmental and physiological factors can cause depression. Most mental health experts now agree that brain chemistry plays a major role. The level of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin in the brain can affect a person’s risk of becoming depressed. However, life experiences affect brain chemistry, and some people become depressed after experiencing a trauma or stressful life change such as a separation or divorce, the death of a spouse, being laid off from a job, financial instability, relocation, or a decline in health. Everyday stressors, like social isolation, domestic violence, and the presence of other psychological conditions, can also contribute to depression. Sometimes depression arises as a defense mechanism in order to avoid experiencing painful emotions. Women who have recently given birth may struggle with postpartum depression in the days, weeks, or months following childbirth.

Depression’s symptoms are distinct from the symptoms associated with grief, when feeling emotionally overwhelmed is normal and temporary. Depression may be indicated when feelings of sadness and despair disrupt daily life and persist for more than two weeks.

Those who have experienced trauma or are prone to anxiety may be more likely to experience depression than those who have not, and research suggests that some people may be biologically predisposed to depression due to neurochemical abnormalities. A family history of depression can lead to a person’s inheriting or learning these traits.

If this sounds like you or someone you love, reach out to Starpoint Counseling Center. We have offices in Tampa and Brandon and can schedule your visit to speak with a therapist. Call or text us at (813) 244-1251

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

 

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY STAR POINT COUNSELING CENTER

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY TO STAR POINT COUNSELING CENTER. It was 5 years ago today Clarissa Crystal-Belle, LMHC, Co Founder/ Executive Clinical Director and Author saw her first client in a small rented office with an office chair and a card table. I know it is not the proper setting for a professional office but this client didn’t care, they just wanted to get in to see her. Sam DiFranco Co Founder/ Executive Business Director was managing Star Point Counseling Center from the lobby with a brief case and a lap top computer. We grew exponentially into multiple office and a counseling team of over 10 therapists helping thousands and thousands of clients. 5 years, where has the time gone! We look forward to helping thousands and thousands more clients in the future.

Black Lives Matter

Black lives matter, I truly believe that and that everyone is equal. African Americans have had inequalities since slaves were brought to America to be bought and sold. The Emancipation Proclamation was suppose to free slaves, and it did. However, the inequalities did not stop. The Union had troops in the southern states after the civil war to enforce that slaves were indeed free, although inequalities were rampant. The presidential election of 1876 changed that. Republican Rutherford B. Hayes was the northern states nominee and Democrat Samuel J. Tilden was the southern states nominee. The election was disputed and that led to The Compromise of 1877. The democrats agreed to give the presidency to Rutherford B. Hayes and in exchange they had to withdraw the Union troops out of the south. With the Union troops gone from the southern states the white plantation owners did whatever the wanted to do to the black people and the authorities turned the cheek and pretended to not notice. This practice went on for almost 100 years until the civil rights movement in the 1960’s, much overdo at that point.  If I was an African American living in the south from 1865 to 1965 I would gotten the heck out of there as soon as I could, why would they stay?

My concern is that the inequalities are focused on Black America and Black Lives Matter, which I totally agree, they do matter. But, how about the other ethnic groups in America? How about the Asian’s who helped build the railroads across our nation? How about the inequality right after Pearl Harbor when the U.S. Government rounded up as many Asians as they could find and put them in a barricaded area simply because of the way they looked. How about the Irish and Italian Immigrants who came to America from 1870 to 1925? They were the manual labor who helped build the industrialized cities with no labor laws and severe labor inequalities. How about the Hispanic immigrants who came to America in the last 50 years or so? They are feeling inequalities simply on a language barrier. How about the inequalities of women, they were treated as if they were stupid, weak and could not do anything except cook and clean. How about the current inequality on gay, lesbian and transgender people, the recent hate crimes in Orlando exposed the most recent inequality in America. How about the pre judgement and inequalities on Eastern Indian and Middle Eastern people in America after 9-11-2001?  How about the biggest inequality of all, the American Native’s? They welcomes the white man from England, taught them how to survive only to have their entire nation stripped of them piece by piece, broken treaty after broken treaty and then cast into the desert.

So, with that being said, I think we, as Americans, should change Black Lives Matter to All Lives Matter.

Just For The Heck of It, Fun!

recreation

Humans today have so many things going on in their lives. A majority of these things cause stress, and are a source of worry for many people. Some of these things include working, taking care of family/home life, or studying for exams. These things tend to become overwhelming and can cause people to feel depressed, or even numb.

When this happens, and you begin to think there is no way out from under all this stress, there is. If you just work on one area of your life to start, you can begin to reduce the stress and depression, regain feeling, and improve the quality of your daily life experience. This area is known as recreation.

Often when people hear the term recreation, they either do not know what it is, or think of activities like walking or running. A recreational activity is actually a wholesome activity that stimulates your adrenaline, and is purely for the heck of it, fun. This can include taking a class in which you are doing something that is active, or playing a sport–but this activity CANNOT be competitive. The point of doing recreational activities is to do something fun.

Here are some ideas for recreational activities you can begin trying today:

  1. Salsa dancing
  2. Kayaking
  3. Swimming
  4. Riding a bike
  5. Playing non-competitive sports

If all else fails, try skipping. You absolutely cannot feel depressed or stressed while skipping.

What do you do for recreation?

 

Visit our website for more information:  http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com, or http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com