The ‘F’ Word: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a voluntary and intentional process by which you have a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense.

The rule is simply this: forgive. This is sincerely the best thing you can do in your marriage and really the only way to keep your marriage intact for the rest of your life. It takes letting go of negative emotions such as anger or vengefulness, and the ability to wish the offender well. Studies have shown that forgiveness inspires love and can be healing in many ways.

Use these tips to keep forgiveness at the heart of your marriage:

1.      Look at both sides of the story.

There are often simple explanations for frustrating behavior, but you have to be willing to see both sides. Too often, spouses jump to conclusions and immediately go into a blaming or defensive mode instead of looking reasonably at both sides of the story. If everyone looked at themselves first before attacking their partners, many fights would be dispersed before they even began. When you can view both sides honestly, it is easier to find forgiveness because you see what part you contributed in the fight.

2.      Practice a policy of open honesty, but not necessarily all the time.

Some spouses operate on the premise that honesty is the best policy no matter the circumstances. In reality, this is not true in marriage. When you hear that honesty is important in a marriage, it is. But it doesn’t mean cruelty or lack of tact is necessary. Honesty means not lying about how much you spent shopping and if your husband asks how you are, do not say ‘fine’ when you don’t mean it. If you need to, schedule a time each week that is your ‘honest’ time. When you have both had a chance to air your grievances, it will be easier to follow number 1 above.

3.      Imagine your spouse dying or leaving you.

This isn’t something that you usually hear recommended in a marriage. But it is a simple and powerful way to remind yourself of how much you love your spouse. When you are feeling especially angry, think about how you would feel if he or she died before you sorted out your feelings. Would this incident be of importance? This is not to say that you should pretend to be happy all the time because he or she might die. This is just another way to look at your marriage and realize how much you do love each other and want the marriage to go forward.

4.      Think about how forgiving will also help you.

Holding on to negative feelings and grudges is extra emotional weight you don’t need. You have likely upset your spouse at times too. There is  no way to exist in any long term relationship without some misunderstandings and doing unintentional harm. Forgiving will be freeing for you and is likely to bring you the same in return from your partner.

 

By following these simple guidelines, you will find that you can forgive your husband or wife more quickly. Throughout your relationship, you will frequently have moments of “rupture and repair.”  There are times you both go off course and will need to correct it. This is quite normal. Love always follows forgiveness. So, put these ideas into practice to strengthen your bond and ensure that you are truly together until death do you part.

At Star Point Counseling Center, there are two convenient locations for you to choose from in Brandon and Tampa. Call or Text us today, to schedule your appointment. (813) 244.1251
 To view the Brandon website, click here.

We provide counseling services to individuals, couples, families, children, teens, and adults with any type of crises.  We help you build tools as well as help design and implement individualized goals and objectives, help you sort out beliefs, thoughts, and behavior patterns that may be hindering you in your relationship(s) whether at the work place or in other areas of your life.  
 
We have the tools you need for managing pain, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, or anger resulting from circumstances that interfere in achieving a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.  By working together, we will show you how to set and achieve goals and objectives therapeutically designed to meet your needs that will allow you to live the life you know that you deserve.

 

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

 

 

 

Therapy for Blended Families

Blended families are very common and can produce wonderful experiences as well as unique challenges.  The step parent – step child relationship can be fragile at times.  The same can be said for adoptive siblings, step siblings, and half siblings.  You may find yourself needing a family therapist.  Family counseling can help you deal with any jealousy or resentment that may be undermining the situation, and restore peace and harmony to your home.

If any of the following, fit your situation, you can benefit from family counseling.

  • Is your blended family just not blending?
  • Are you a stepmom struggling with his kids?
  • Are you a Dad struggling with parenting in a stepfamily?
  • Is your relationship not what you expected?
  • Is discipline a problem?
  • Are your step kids disrespectful?
  • Who comes first partner or the child?
  • ​​Do you sometimes feel like an outsider?

At Affordable Counseling Center, we take the time to focus on the partnership of the family and use actionable processes to address the issues of: partnership, couple strength, discipline, roles, organization, conflict of loyalties, and the ex spouse, if applicable.

Call Affordable Counseling Center today. We have offices in Brandon and Tampa and will work around your schedule. Call or text us at; (813) 244-1251. We are also online at:

http://www.affordablecounseningbrandon.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

Are you depressed?

Understanding Depression

Depression is a serious, but common, illness: One in 10 adults report experiencing depression, and the condition is the most common cause of disability in the United States. The lifetime risk of any individual person becoming depressed is around 17 percent, and most people have their first bout of depression in their late teens or early twenties. The condition is slightly more common among women, but some researchers speculate that this may be because men are less likely to seek help or because their symptoms are more likely to manifest as anger than sadness.

Both environmental and physiological factors can cause depression. Most mental health experts now agree that brain chemistry plays a major role. The level of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin in the brain can affect a person’s risk of becoming depressed. However, life experiences affect brain chemistry, and some people become depressed after experiencing a trauma or stressful life change such as a separation or divorce, the death of a spouse, being laid off from a job, financial instability, relocation, or a decline in health. Everyday stressors, like social isolation, domestic violence, and the presence of other psychological conditions, can also contribute to depression. Sometimes depression arises as a defense mechanism in order to avoid experiencing painful emotions. Women who have recently given birth may struggle with postpartum depression in the days, weeks, or months following childbirth.

Depression’s symptoms are distinct from the symptoms associated with grief, when feeling emotionally overwhelmed is normal and temporary. Depression may be indicated when feelings of sadness and despair disrupt daily life and persist for more than two weeks.

Those who have experienced trauma or are prone to anxiety may be more likely to experience depression than those who have not, and research suggests that some people may be biologically predisposed to depression due to neurochemical abnormalities. A family history of depression can lead to a person’s inheriting or learning these traits.

If this sounds like you or someone you love, reach out to Starpoint Counseling Center. We have offices in Tampa and Brandon and can schedule your visit to speak with a therapist. Call or text us at (813) 244-1251

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

 

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY STAR POINT COUNSELING CENTER

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY TO STAR POINT COUNSELING CENTER. It was 5 years ago today Clarissa Crystal-Belle, LMHC, Co Founder/ Executive Clinical Director and Author saw her first client in a small rented office with an office chair and a card table. I know it is not the proper setting for a professional office but this client didn’t care, they just wanted to get in to see her. Sam DiFranco Co Founder/ Executive Business Director was managing Star Point Counseling Center from the lobby with a brief case and a lap top computer. We grew exponentially into multiple office and a counseling team of over 10 therapists helping thousands and thousands of clients. 5 years, where has the time gone! We look forward to helping thousands and thousands more clients in the future.

Black Lives Matter

Black lives matter, I truly believe that and that everyone is equal. African Americans have had inequalities since slaves were brought to America to be bought and sold. The Emancipation Proclamation was suppose to free slaves, and it did. However, the inequalities did not stop. The Union had troops in the southern states after the civil war to enforce that slaves were indeed free, although inequalities were rampant. The presidential election of 1876 changed that. Republican Rutherford B. Hayes was the northern states nominee and Democrat Samuel J. Tilden was the southern states nominee. The election was disputed and that led to The Compromise of 1877. The democrats agreed to give the presidency to Rutherford B. Hayes and in exchange they had to withdraw the Union troops out of the south. With the Union troops gone from the southern states the white plantation owners did whatever the wanted to do to the black people and the authorities turned the cheek and pretended to not notice. This practice went on for almost 100 years until the civil rights movement in the 1960’s, much overdo at that point.  If I was an African American living in the south from 1865 to 1965 I would gotten the heck out of there as soon as I could, why would they stay?

My concern is that the inequalities are focused on Black America and Black Lives Matter, which I totally agree, they do matter. But, how about the other ethnic groups in America? How about the Asian’s who helped build the railroads across our nation? How about the inequality right after Pearl Harbor when the U.S. Government rounded up as many Asians as they could find and put them in a barricaded area simply because of the way they looked. How about the Irish and Italian Immigrants who came to America from 1870 to 1925? They were the manual labor who helped build the industrialized cities with no labor laws and severe labor inequalities. How about the Hispanic immigrants who came to America in the last 50 years or so? They are feeling inequalities simply on a language barrier. How about the inequalities of women, they were treated as if they were stupid, weak and could not do anything except cook and clean. How about the current inequality on gay, lesbian and transgender people, the recent hate crimes in Orlando exposed the most recent inequality in America. How about the pre judgement and inequalities on Eastern Indian and Middle Eastern people in America after 9-11-2001?  How about the biggest inequality of all, the American Native’s? They welcomes the white man from England, taught them how to survive only to have their entire nation stripped of them piece by piece, broken treaty after broken treaty and then cast into the desert.

So, with that being said, I think we, as Americans, should change Black Lives Matter to All Lives Matter.

Just For The Heck of It, Fun!

recreation

Humans today have so many things going on in their lives. A majority of these things cause stress, and are a source of worry for many people. Some of these things include working, taking care of family/home life, or studying for exams. These things tend to become overwhelming and can cause people to feel depressed, or even numb.

When this happens, and you begin to think there is no way out from under all this stress, there is. If you just work on one area of your life to start, you can begin to reduce the stress and depression, regain feeling, and improve the quality of your daily life experience. This area is known as recreation.

Often when people hear the term recreation, they either do not know what it is, or think of activities like walking or running. A recreational activity is actually a wholesome activity that stimulates your adrenaline, and is purely for the heck of it, fun. This can include taking a class in which you are doing something that is active, or playing a sport–but this activity CANNOT be competitive. The point of doing recreational activities is to do something fun.

Here are some ideas for recreational activities you can begin trying today:

  1. Salsa dancing
  2. Kayaking
  3. Swimming
  4. Riding a bike
  5. Playing non-competitive sports

If all else fails, try skipping. You absolutely cannot feel depressed or stressed while skipping.

What do you do for recreation?

 

Visit our website for more information:  http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com, or http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com