The ‘F’ Word: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a voluntary and intentional process by which you have a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense.

The rule is simply this: forgive. This is sincerely the best thing you can do in your marriage and really the only way to keep your marriage intact for the rest of your life. It takes letting go of negative emotions such as anger or vengefulness, and the ability to wish the offender well. Studies have shown that forgiveness inspires love and can be healing in many ways.

Use these tips to keep forgiveness at the heart of your marriage:

1.      Look at both sides of the story.

There are often simple explanations for frustrating behavior, but you have to be willing to see both sides. Too often, spouses jump to conclusions and immediately go into a blaming or defensive mode instead of looking reasonably at both sides of the story. If everyone looked at themselves first before attacking their partners, many fights would be dispersed before they even began. When you can view both sides honestly, it is easier to find forgiveness because you see what part you contributed in the fight.

2.      Practice a policy of open honesty, but not necessarily all the time.

Some spouses operate on the premise that honesty is the best policy no matter the circumstances. In reality, this is not true in marriage. When you hear that honesty is important in a marriage, it is. But it doesn’t mean cruelty or lack of tact is necessary. Honesty means not lying about how much you spent shopping and if your husband asks how you are, do not say ‘fine’ when you don’t mean it. If you need to, schedule a time each week that is your ‘honest’ time. When you have both had a chance to air your grievances, it will be easier to follow number 1 above.

3.      Imagine your spouse dying or leaving you.

This isn’t something that you usually hear recommended in a marriage. But it is a simple and powerful way to remind yourself of how much you love your spouse. When you are feeling especially angry, think about how you would feel if he or she died before you sorted out your feelings. Would this incident be of importance? This is not to say that you should pretend to be happy all the time because he or she might die. This is just another way to look at your marriage and realize how much you do love each other and want the marriage to go forward.

4.      Think about how forgiving will also help you.

Holding on to negative feelings and grudges is extra emotional weight you don’t need. You have likely upset your spouse at times too. There is  no way to exist in any long term relationship without some misunderstandings and doing unintentional harm. Forgiving will be freeing for you and is likely to bring you the same in return from your partner.

 

By following these simple guidelines, you will find that you can forgive your husband or wife more quickly. Throughout your relationship, you will frequently have moments of “rupture and repair.”  There are times you both go off course and will need to correct it. This is quite normal. Love always follows forgiveness. So, put these ideas into practice to strengthen your bond and ensure that you are truly together until death do you part.

At Star Point Counseling Center, there are two convenient locations for you to choose from in Brandon and Tampa. Call or Text us today, to schedule your appointment. (813) 244.1251
 To view the Brandon website, click here.

We provide counseling services to individuals, couples, families, children, teens, and adults with any type of crises.  We help you build tools as well as help design and implement individualized goals and objectives, help you sort out beliefs, thoughts, and behavior patterns that may be hindering you in your relationship(s) whether at the work place or in other areas of your life.  
 
We have the tools you need for managing pain, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, or anger resulting from circumstances that interfere in achieving a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.  By working together, we will show you how to set and achieve goals and objectives therapeutically designed to meet your needs that will allow you to live the life you know that you deserve.

 

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Couples Therapy at Starpoint

Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, is a type of psychotherapy that is conducted by licensed therapists. Usually involving both partners, marriage counseling helps couples to recognize underlying conflicts and improve their relationship. It can help married couples make thoughtful decisions, overcome differences and enhance communication between them. Marriage counseling is also an ideal resource for relationship help. Often short term, marriage counseling also encourages both partners to focus on self-improvement and self-awareness. In couples therapy at Starpoint Counseling Center, a marriage counselor can help you to:

  1. Explore your hopes, expectations and relationship concerns
  2. Understand each other better
  3. Teach your effective ways to communication with each other
  4. Explain why there are differences of opinion & what to do about them
  5. Learn problem solving strategies
  6. Learn how to move on from marital disappointments and anger
  7. Understand the possible implications of a breakup

Starpoint Counseling Center is also aware of the fact that couples come to them reluctantly, but with a hope that it can benefit their marriage. A good counselor will make every effort to help the couple feel at ease and advise them as best as possible. We can schedule your appointment around your busy schedule. Call or text (813) 244-1251.  You can also reach us online: http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

Also see: http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon & http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

Don’t Give Up on Love

Couples therapy can be used to treat issues both big and small. Or it can be used to enhance certain parts of your relationship. It doesn’t always require weekly visits or intensive psychotherapy where we dig into your childhood or highlight your skeletons in front of your significant other.

You are in charge of the process and that process is aligned with whatever goals you choose to focus on.

  • have a healthier relationship
  • cope with trust issues
  • overcome infidelity
  • better understand your partner through productive communication
  • accept your partner
  • learn how support each other
  • learn how to ask for support from each other
  • learn to share your lives productively and happily
  • improve quality time
  • learn to parent together
  • resolve conflicts
  • mediate a separation

Want to find out if you and your partner can benefit from Couples Counseling?

Call us today to schedule your couples counseling appointment: (813) 244-1251 or email us at: starpointcenter@aol.com

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

 

 

Managing Change in Your Relationship

It is quite normal for relationships to go through periods of change and many couples are able to adjust and reshape their relationship as it evolves. It is also quite normal for relationships to become stuck during this process, especially during major life events such as having a child, changing careers, having financial difficulties, and going through changes in health. Couple’s counseling offers a great opportunity to gain clarity, learn how to work through challenges, and grow as an individual and as a couple. It is important to seek help as early as possible in order to learn the tools necessary for managing changes and to preserve your relationship. The journey may be difficult, but the rewards great.

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

What to Expect in a Couples Counseling Session

Counseling approaches may differ by therapist. Some therapists may choose to see both of you individually for a few sessions in order to identify and address personal concerns relating to the relationship. This approach allows each partner the opportunity to feel completely comfortable in being open and honest about their concerns and goals. Other therapists may choose to work with a couple as a unit throughout the length of therapy. During joint sessions, partners will be able to discuss their concerns together and receive guidance in addressing current challenges as well as any challenges that may arise in the future. In addition, couples are usually assigned “homework” to do in between sessions. The work you’ll be doing outside of session is where the real change begins to happen because this will allow you both to put newly learned tools into action to improve your relationship!

Are you and your partner ready to explore the benefits of couples counseling? We invite you to call Star Point Counseling Center at 813-244-1251 where we have a team of talented therapists to help you.

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

http://www.affordablecounselingbrandon.com

 

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

The people we know and love the most are the same people we’re most awful to in word and deed. Often times it is because we expect too much from them. We hope that they can help us, that they can do all the things we are not capable of doing; moreover, that they have to do them, because of the love we invest in them. When they don’t, we feel disappointed and the natural instinct is to get angry and act out. Also, the people we love and care for are the ones who have the courage to be honest and tell us the truth, even when it hurts. And even though we know it is the truth, it still hurts and the pain can cause violent reactions

Many times we expect the people we love to just know what we are thinking, and when that doesn’t happen, we feel misunderstood. We wish they could make a journey inside our head and see things the way we see them, just because we think it is the right way. We simply can’t understand why they think differently and how they can miss something that seems so simple and obvious to us. In addition, we misunderstand them because we’re not always willing to try to understand them.

We love them but in the same time we hate them because they know our weaknesses and there’s no way we can hide. The mask we wear in relation with other people is put aside and all the things we usually try to hide come to the surface

Lastly, We trust them and we know deep in our hearts that, no matter what we do, they won’t stop loving us. We feel safe to take our frustrations on them because we think there will be no consequences. We hurt them most of the times because they let us hurt them.

7 Ways To Improve Your Marriage

  1. Did you know that couples wait an average of 6 years before seeking help for their relationship concerns? It’s important to address concerns early to prevent issues from growing.
  2. Avoid being critical toward your partner when disagreements arise. Instead, become inquisitive about their points of views. Open communication will help build a deeper understanding of your partner.
  3. Alter your approach when addressing concerns with your partner. Avoid blaming, criticizing, or becoming contemptuous, which only serve to escalate conflicts. Instead, take a deep breath and soften your approach.
  4. Remain flexible to your partner’s needs. Successful relationships involve both partners being able to rely on each other in times of need.
  5. Create and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationship.
  6. Learn how to deescalate an argument before it gets out of control. Effective communication is key.
  7. Focus on the positives! Successful couples focus on their partner’s positive attributes and the positives within their relationship, rather than the negatives.

If you would like Marriage Counseling or Relationship Counseling at Star Point Counseling Center then please call us at 813-244-1251.  starpointcentertampa.com

Standing your ground

Everyday, from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us. We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become molded by how we think other people perceive us.

Living a life that follows what other people think is a terrible way to live. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is —  everyone is thinking the exact same thing, and everyone is too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings to worry about others.

It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. There will always be people ,  no matter what we say or how we treat them , that will judge us. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you! Do not let other people’s perception of you effect your perception of yourself.

 

Living life according to “the plan”

“Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” ~John Lennon
       Getting fixated on plans will often times lead to disappointment. We tend to plan out our lives rigorously and not know what to do when things do not go as we anticipated. Sometimes you might need to make minor adjustments to your life plans in order to enjoy the journey of life. Other times, major changes might be necessary, either way, that’s your opportunity to experience all that this world has to offer.
     Learning to find joy and happiness with life’s surprises takes time, but you will no longer find yourself being constantly disappointed or stressed or looking around wondering what happened to the life you thought you’d have.
      You can develop the habit of seeing the good in everything, even when life doesn’t go according to “the plan.”
      If you are having a hard time coping with the changes in your life, at Star Point Counseling Center, we can help you. If you have any questions or wish to speak to a counselor please give us a call at (813)-244-1251

Pre Marriage Concerns

A few things a couple should consider before getting married.

  1. Shared goals
  2. Individual goals, are they the same?
  3. Income and expense expectations
  4. do you both want children and when in life do you want them
  5. Mutual recreational activities

Star Point Counseling Center offers a 5 session Pre Marriage workshop. Please call 813-244-1251 for more details.

starpointcounselingtampa.com