Why do we hurt the ones we love?

The people we know and love the most are the same people we’re most awful to in word and deed. Often times it is because we expect too much from them. We hope that they can help us, that they can do all the things we are not capable of doing; moreover, that they have to do them, because of the love we invest in them. When they don’t, we feel disappointed and the natural instinct is to get angry and act out. Also, the people we love and care for are the ones who have the courage to be honest and tell us the truth, even when it hurts. And even though we know it is the truth, it still hurts and the pain can cause violent reactions

Many times we expect the people we love to just know what we are thinking, and when that doesn’t happen, we feel misunderstood. We wish they could make a journey inside our head and see things the way we see them, just because we think it is the right way. We simply can’t understand why they think differently and how they can miss something that seems so simple and obvious to us. In addition, we misunderstand them because we’re not always willing to try to understand them.

We love them but in the same time we hate them because they know our weaknesses and there’s no way we can hide. The mask we wear in relation with other people is put aside and all the things we usually try to hide come to the surface

Lastly, We trust them and we know deep in our hearts that, no matter what we do, they won’t stop loving us. We feel safe to take our frustrations on them because we think there will be no consequences. We hurt them most of the times because they let us hurt them.

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Standing your ground

Everyday, from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us. We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become molded by how we think other people perceive us.

Living a life that follows what other people think is a terrible way to live. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is —  everyone is thinking the exact same thing, and everyone is too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings to worry about others.

It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. There will always be people ,  no matter what we say or how we treat them , that will judge us. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you! Do not let other people’s perception of you effect your perception of yourself.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving from everyone here at Star Point Counseling! We are especially thankful for having such a great staff, and for our two co-founders Sam DiFranco and Clarissa Crystal-Belle. Without them StarPoint would not thrive and continue to grow into one of the most efficient and credible counseling agencies in the Tampa Bay area. We hope everyone has a great holiday!!!

Happy Birthday to Clarissa!!!

Star Point Counseling would like to extend a warm and happy birthday wish to co-founder and Clinical Director, Clarissa Crystal-Belle. Clarissa is a licensed mental health counselor and qualified supervisor in the state of Florida. She has been providing therapy in the area for many years, and her hard work has led to the opening of two sites in Brandon and Tampa, Florida. We love Clarissa and we wish her many more years of success in her business and an infinite number of happy days to come!!!

Marriage Rules to Live By pt. 3

The last Marriage rule to live by is one you probably already know, but must be emphasized for its extreme importance.

3. Communication, Communication, Communication- Most couples know that this subject is part of the foundation of a relationship. But, for some reason communication deficits often contribute to the downfall of partnership.

Want to know more about positive communication, or other tips to enhance your relationship? Book an appointment at Star Point Counseling center 813-244-1251. We have two locations conveniently located in Brandon and Tampa Fl. We provide a safe and confidential environment that facilitates growth and relationship building. We accept most major insurances and may be able to operate on a sliding scale fee based on income. Book and appointment today.

Holidays and the Family

With the holidays fast approaching, many families begin to feel financial, emotional, and interpersonal stress. Here at Star Point Counseling we have trained professionals to help families during these hard times.

We help you to identify specific family dynamics that compromise the quality of home life for parents and children. We encourage strong, loving, high functioning, and spiritually grounded family lifestyles.

Without pointing the finger of blame, shame, or chastisement, we identify the factors that may contribute to a break down in communication in the home. We identify and resolve such factors as triangulation, enmeshment, co-dependency, addiction, defiance, ineffective parenting practices, and other stress factors that challenge and compromise the well being of your family system.

If you find that you or your family may need help in some of these areas give us a call and make an appointment. We will try to get you in on the same day that you call!

Happy Monday.

Marriage Rules to Live By

Upon entering a committed relationship there are certain implicit and explicit contracts made. These contracts often expire or change based upon the transitions of the relationship. To help with these changes, and ensure the best treatment of your spouse, here are some tips from Star Point Counseling Center’s Clinical Director and Co-Proprietor Clarissa Crystal-Belle:

1. Every Husband is someone’s little boy, and every Wife is someone’s little girl.

Stay tuned for more tips in the next coming posts!

Marriage Counseling.

Photo Courtesy: ©iStockphoto.com/dsteller

Marriage Counseling.  Not many couples participate in counseling because they don’t think it’ll work or they just don’t want to face and fix the problems.  Whatever the reason may be that you need or want marriage counseling, here is a great article written earlier this year by Michael Hyatt on what you should do to protect your marriage.

Although the post may get into religion, there are some great tips that you can still follow by – regardless of your religion.

As always, if you would like to seek marriage counseling here at Star Point Counseling Center of Brandon and Tampa, feel free to give us a call at (813) 244-1251 to see what’s right for you and your partner.

What are some tips that you follow by to keep your marriage healthy?  Share with us in the comments below!

Tips for Parents

Hope everyone has been having a great weekend so far!

This is a post that we have already posted a few weeks ago, but we feel that these four tips by Co-Founder and Clinical Director of Star Point Counseling Center Clarissa Crystal-Belle are very important for parents who have children – whether they are in elementary, middle, high school, or even college.  It can be incredibly stressful for you to balance work life and family life, but we hope that you will keep these tips in mind always to help you avoid unnecessary stress.

 

Here they are:

1. Create and Maintain a Pleasant Home Atmosphere That is Conducive to Learning.

a) Keep your kitchen and common living areas tidy, calm and welcoming.

b) Establish doable routines and structure for self care, extracurricular activities, chores, homework, one on one and family time, and bedtime.

c) Provide healthy food choices avoiding stimulants such as fruit juice, carbonated drinks, caffeine, and sugar after 5PM.

d) Unplug all electronics at least until all of “b’ (except, of course, bedtime), has been accomplished.

e) Provide appropriate clothes that fit and meet school dress codes as well as adequate hygiene and self care products.

2. Communicate acceptance, approval, affection, support and encouragement.

a. Practice and use warm morning and afterschool greetings.

b. Express confidence in your child, preteen and teen.

c. Instill a can-do attitude by identifying his or her prior accomplishments, strengths, qualities, and attributes, daily.

d. Ask open ended questions to help identify, resolve, manage or eliminate specific stress factors he or she may be shouldering. Stress factors may overwhelm, embarrass, frustrate or even defeat your child, pertaining to challenges with academics, peers, or other personal factors you might otherwise not be privy to.

e. Be supportive and solution focused when addressing areas in which your child, preteen or teen is struggling to meet home, school or social expectations. Offering a tutor for a difficult subject, activities for social isolation or poor peer selection, a change in routine for insufficient sleep, etc., can make all the difference.

3. Keep yourself well.

a. Eat healthy and get plenty of exercise, relaxation, and sleep.

b. Keep yourself in good company when socializing.

c. Carve out some down time and alone time even if that means getting up a half hour earlier than the others in the home.

d. Choose your battles carefully.

e. Identify and utilize family, school and community resources as needed.

f. Have fun! Enjoy yourself and your family as much as possible.

4. Know when to seek professional help. Your children, preteens or teens may benefit from professional counseling services if presenting changes in behavior such as any one or more of the following:

a. An increase in negativity. A child, preteen or teen may benefit from professional services if he or she becomes defiant, non-compliant, argumentative, hostile, disorganized, or quick tempered, such as screaming, yelling and name calling.

b. A decrease in socialization. Seek help if he or she becomes more and more isolated, withdrawn, melancholy, bored and/or depressed. Seek immediate help if your child threatens or inflicts self harm or makes suicidal statements, threats or gestures.

c. A sudden and sustained change in mood, peer selection, activities, interests, behavior, sleep and/or eating patterns may indicate a need for counseling services.

d. A significant change in academic performance and/or school behavior, as evidenced by poor grades on assignments, quizzes, tests and projects, multiple zeros for failure to do or to turn in homework, a disorganized back pack, negative teacher reports and school referrals, may also suggest a need for counseling .

Which of these tips are most beneficial to you?  What are some other tips that you follow by that you can share with other parents?  Share with us in the comments below!

Have a great Sunday!

(Photo Credit:  http://pillsbury.mpls.k12.mn.us/parents)