Tips for Co-Parenting

The key to co-parenting is to focus on your child and your child only. This can be very difficult at times. It means that your own emotions, anger, or resentment is set aside. Co-parenting is about your child’s happiness, stability and future well being. It is ok to be hurt and angry but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Here are some tips for communicating with an ex:

  • Make sure never to vent to your child and to get your feelings out somewhere else, for example a close friend or therapist.
  • Never use your kid as the messenger, this will put him or her in the center of the conflict.
  • Use a business-like tone with your ex and set the boundaries. Be cordial, respectful, and use a neutral tone.
  • Be sure to listen. Even if you do not agree, communicating with maturity starts with listening. Listening foes not signify approval but is necessary to understand the other person’s point of view.
  • Lastly, keep the conversations kid-focused and about your child’s needs.

At Star Point Counseling Center, we understand the challenges that come with a divorce and want to help you make adjustments to the changes that occur when families are split up. If you are having trouble with your ex or need communication or patenting techniques please visit our website starpointcounselingtampa.com or give us a call at (813)-244-1251.

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Dealing With Anger In A Healthy Way.

anger

We all get angry every once in a while, it is unavoidable. For for some people this inevitable emotion is difficult to manage, express, and sometimes even recognize when it is getting out of control. This can lead to violent and destructive behaviors, and even affect some relationships with loved ones. 

There are many ways to deal with anger in a constructive and healthy way. 

  • Try not to avoid confrontation. Many people, particularly women are not comforable feeling anger or experiencing anger in others. But it’s a real emotion that can highlight important issues. Shoving your feelings of anger under the rug, or shying away from it in others, will either cause bigger explosions of built up anger in the future, or can lead to depression.
  • Avoid pointing the finger. No one likes to be the one who is in the wrong, but attacking the other person will just put them on the defensive. If they have upset you, for example, focus on how it made you feel rather than resorting to name-calling. Try to remain on the same topic and not bring up past mistakes that they have made. 
  • Stay cool. Although going on a huge angry rant is tempting, there are better ways for you to get your point across. Let your tone express the fact that you care about the other person, and in return the other person will express their feelings the same way. This helps both parties stay calm and level-headed, and in the long run you have more of a chance to be listened to and understood.
  • Be professional. If it is a work colleague that you are confronting, take some deep breaths and step back for a moment. End the confrontation as soon as possible and set a meeting so you can sit down and discuss how things can be done differently in the future. 
  • Be ready to make a compromise. Try to be open minded and think flexibly during your confrontation. Have a resolution in mind, but also be prepared to make a compromise based on the other person’s opinions. 

We are all human and sometimes we let our anger get the best of us. But just because you allow yourself to express anger it doesn’t mean you have to let it control you and destroy relationships. If you can’t seem to be able to manage your anger, then let us help you. We can give you more tips and tools on how to control your anger and deal with it in a more healthy way. Check out our website for more information! starpointcounselingtampa.com

 

Is Your Anger Destructive?

ImageAnger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

If you are having a hard time controlling your anger here are some simple steps that can help calm down angry feelings:

-Breathe slowly and deeply: breathe from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.”
-Count to 10: Counting to 10 gives you time to cool down so you can think more clearly and overcome the impulse to lash out.
-Practice calm words: Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
-Use imagery: visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
-Meditation or yoga: slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

 

If you feel that your anger is really getting out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. Our licensed mental health professionals at Star Point Counseling Center can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

Call us today to set up an appointment! (813) 244-1251 

http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com/

Letting Go of Resentment

resentful  Are you willing to let go of resentment so you can have more fulfilling relationships?

Believe it or not, one of many simple ways to let go of resentment is choosing to love rather than to hate. That’s right! LOVE! Its the opposite of hate, anger, or fear. Ever heard the phrase “killing ’em with kindness?” Well, that phrase can go a long way.

Think of it like this, if you send love (positivity) toward someone instead of hate (negativity), you actually begin to break down pieces of their wall allowing them to return positivity to you. In other words, by sending love someone’s way, that love comes back to you. It works the same way with hate. If you send hate someone’s way, that hate comes back to you.

What goes around comes back around.

Schedule some time during your day to think loving thoughts about a person you resent. Hint: think of the things that you liked about that person to begin with. Use that time to wish them well and ask for blessings to go their way.

Now I know this is easier said than done, but it can be done. It will feel weird for a little while, maybe for a week, a month, a year or so, but eventually you will begin noticing peace and love where there once was hatred and resentment. You will even begin to mean it. By doing this small, yet simple, exercise you will rebuild your relationships and they will become more fulfilling.

Will you try to let go of your resentment starting today?

 

Read more here: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-powerful-tips-to-reduce-resentment-and-feel-happier/

Visit our website today to learn more about how a counselor can help you to deal with feelings of resentment: http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com, or http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

Just Laugh

Image

Shame is a universal emotion. We all experience it at some time or another. Sometimes shame causes people to react in anger or aggression. Other times people become embarrassed and try to hide their shame. These ways of dealing with shame are not healthy. In fact, hidden shame can be damaging and can cause serious struggles for an individual as well as for groups; struggles that are behind many of the behaviors currently occurring in our society. 

Shame can affect a person’s self-worth. Being told ‘shame on you,’ for example, can destroy an individual’s sense of value. “Emotions are like breathing and cause trouble when obstructed,” says Thomas Scheff, professor emeritus of sociology at University of California, Santa Barbara. 

Scheff examined the ubiquity of hidden shame in an article published in the journal of Cultural Sociology. He suggests it may be one of the keys to understanding contemporary society. According to Scheff a society that fosters individualism (like ours) provides a ripe breeding ground for the emotion of shame because people are encouraged to “go it alone, no matter the cost to relationships,” he said.

In exploring the connection between shame and aggression, Scheff cites research conducted by sociologist Neil Websdale, author of Familicidal Hearts: The Emotional Styles of 211 Killers. “Familicide, the act of one spouse killing the other as well as their children and often himself or herself, stems from unacknowledged shame,” Scheff said.

What is even more interesting about the study, is the finding that there is a minority group of non-angry people. These people lose their job and feel humiliated, then pretend as though they are continuing to go to work every day, but they are actually planning the killing. They are known as the ‘civic respectable.’

On the contrary, shame is actually a very useful emotion and is in fact the basis of morality. Shame provides a weight for morality. Ever heard the phrase “listen to your conscience?” When you make a decision based on your conscience it is usually backed up by shame.

Instead of allowing yourself to succumb to shame, give yourself permission to laugh. Laugh at yourself often. Laugh at the universe. Laugh at your circumstance. As long as you are not laughing at others you cannot go wrong. Laughter is good for your health. It relaxes the body, boosts your immune system, triggers the release of endorphins, and protects the heart.

 

To learn more about the study, click this link: http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/03/17/resolve-hidden-shame-with-humor/67210.html

For more information on Mental Health Counseling, visit our website: http://www.starpointcounselingbrandon.com, or http://www.starpointcounselingtampa.com