Skip Criticism, Give Feedback Instead!

Lets be honest, criticism stings and nobody likes it. Yet it is essential to be able to honestly tell someone how you feel and what you are thinking when having a relationship with them. There is a far better way to tell someone about their mistakes, and we call it feedback.

Here’s a few technical points to keep in mind when you want to give feedback instead of criticism:

Criticism complains, feedback explains. Instead of just complaining about the mistake they made, explain to them why it matters and what they can try doing differently next time. 

Feedback can be softened with a when-youWhen you came late to our noon lunch date there were already crowds lining up for tables at the restaurant we like so by the time we finished eating I was late returning to work.” 

Focus on sharing your own feelings and concerns. I-statements, which can be coupled with a when-you, keep the subject yourself. The feedback then is about how you felt and your concerns rather than about the person whose behavior was problematic.  

Keep the tone friendly. Try to stay away from irritated, critical, or judgmental tones.

Focus on solutions. Try focusing on finding a solution to the problem instead of dwelling on what they did wrong.


The therapists at Star Point Counseling Center can help you learn better tools for communicating and getting your point across in an effective way. Visit our website for more information on our services and how we can help!



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