Letting Go of Past Hurts.

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We all get hurt at least once in our lifetime, you can’t possibly be an adult or teen alive today who hasn’t gone through some kind of painful and hurtful experience in the past.I understand that it hurts, but would you rather get back to living life or continue to dwell on something that cannot be changed? People who hold on to these past hurts often relive the pain over and over in their minds.  The only way to move on and to accept new happiness into your life is to make room for it by getting rid of the pain and hurt. 

Five ways to let go of past hurts: 

  1. Make the decision to let it go. Like the popular song from the Disney movie Frozen says, “Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door.” You have to make a conscious decision to let it go and slam the door behind you. You have the choice to stop reliving the past and playing every detail out in your mind. 
  2. Express your pain, and responsibility. Express the pain that you feel, whether it is directly to the person who may have caused the pain, venting to a friend, or writing it down in a journal. Get it all out of your system at once. 
  3. Stop playing the victim and blaming others. Even though you may not mainly be responsible for the hurt, there may be something you could have done differently, or maybe you let it get to you way more than you should have. Take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put your happiness into the hands of someone else. 
  4. Focus on the present. Once you have let go its time to stop living in the past and start living for today. Once you start focusing on the here and now, there is no room left for you to think about the past. If the past begins to creep into your mind acknowledge it only for a moment and then bring yourself back to the present moment. 
  5. Forgive. We may not be able to forget a person’s behaviors but everybody deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is a way of letting something go. It’s also a way of empathizing with the other person, and trying to see things from their point of view even though you may not agree with what they did. And forgiving yourself can be an important part, as sometimes we may end up blaming ourselves for the situation or hurt. 

Nobody’s life should be defined by their pain. It is not healthy, it adds to our stress, it hurts our ability to focus, study and work, and it impacts other relationships we have. Do something different today and welcome happiness and joy back into your life. 

If you are struggling with letting go and moving on from a past hurt check out our website to find out how we can help you. Whether you are unable to move on from a minor break-up, infidelity, or the loss of a loved one, we are here to help you learn to let go and begin living a happier life. 

www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

Do’s And Don’ts Of Teaching Your Child To Cope.

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The ability to cope is not something we are born with. Coping involves emotional and practical skills that our children learn through both observation and direct teaching. As parents it is our job to not only celebrate the good times but also prepare them for the bad times as well. Every disappointment in a child’s life is an opportunity to show them that they are strong enough to overcome it. 

Here are some ways we can encourage healthy coping skills:

  • DON’T ignore a problem. Avoiding the problem will only worsen with time. DO encourage your child to face their problems, facing small problems gives them the practice they need to solve big ones. It is also important to teach your child when and how to reach out for support when life hands them a big one.
  • DON’T step in too soon. We have to let our children learn how to handle situations by themselves without always coming to their rescue. DO have confidence in your child, with our help they can learn to use their hearts and minds to handle a difficult situation.
  • DON’T agree with your child that life is unfair, or mean. Yes, it may be true sometimes but having a negative attitude about life will leave them unhappy. DO acknowledge that sometimes life is unfair and people are mean but if there is nothing we can do about a negative situation we need to teach our children not to dwell on it and move on.
  • DON’T let yourself get down or depressed if your child is depressed. It adds more burden to the problem because kids don’t want to see their parents sad. DO teach your child to engage with problems. Have them talk out exactly what happened and why. Work together to decide what they can change and what they can’t. You may not be able to change a situation but you can always learn something from it. 
  • DON’T accept tantrums, acting out, or helplessness. No problem has ever been solved by tempers, aggression, or just giving up. DO listen and support their feelings, we need to let our children know that it is okay to let their emotions out, but not to make someone the target. It is important to teach your child how to calm themselves down and get past their feelings. 

If you have a child that is not coping well and you are having a hard time dealing with their depression, anger or tantrums, let us know! We can help teach your child coping skills that they will need to get past big or small problems that they may face now and in the future. 

(813)244-1251

www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

7 Keys To A Healthy And A Happy Relationship.

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Short and simple, 7 ways your relationship can reach it’s potential: 

  1. Mutual respect. If you don’t have this, it will be a rough road to go down. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything your partner says or does, but you do have to have admiration and trust with each other. You must have your partner’s back.
  2. Arguing, not fighting. Yes, there is a difference. Arguing is non-combative, you and your partner take turns saying you own point and views on the situation without name calling or yelling. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. 
  3. Agreement on sex. You’re both okay with how often you have sex, how you have sex, where you have sex, and there’s mutual participation. You also must find time to have sex, no matter how tired or busy you are. 
  4. Agreement on parenting. If the two of you don’t agree on a parenting style, you need to have a talk. If you don’t have kids yet but are thinking about it, you must have this conversation. 
  5. Equality with money. You both have an equal say in where the money goes. You discuss with your partner before making large purchases. If sharing an account is too complicated and you are always fighting about money then there is nothing wrong with having separate accounts.
  6. Common goals and values. Couples with very different interests can have healthy relationships, what counts is that they share common goals and values. Work together on setting one-year, five-year, and even ten or twenty-year goals. Working towards something big together helps strengthen your bond. 
  7. Have FUN! Enough said. Make time to have fun. Life gets too serious without enjoying the good things and getting your dose of laughter every day. 

Would you like more advise and tips on how to keep your relationship happy and healthy? Visit our website for information on how we can help you! 

www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

Proven And Effective Study Habits.

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With Fall right around the corner, everyone is preparing for school to start up again. Students deal with numerous things going on in their life, which makes it hard to concentrate on studying sometimes. And studying is very crucial in order to progress from year to year.

Whether you are a parent of a student, teenager, or beginning your first year of college these tips can be very helpful for you or your child. 

1. How you approach studying matters. Being in the right mindset is important in order for smarter studying. Do not force yourself to study when your not in the right mindset, come back to it when other things are not occupying your mind.

2. Where you study is important. A place that has a lot of distractions is a poor choice of a study area. Try to find a quiet nook in the library or study hall where there are no TVs or computers to distract you.

3. Bring everything you need, nothing you don’t. Many people use computers to take notes on, but this serves a huge distraction because there are many other things you could do on the computer other than studying. Try using just a pen and paper for note taking.

4. Outline and rewrite your notes. Make sure you translate notes and outlines into your owns words and concepts. 

5. Use memory games. Mnemonic devices are helpful because you use more of your brain to remember visual and active images than you do to remember just a list of items.

6. Practice by yourself or with friends. Practice by yourself or with friends by testing yourself with either practice exams, past quizzes, or flash cards. 

7. Make a schedule you can stick to. Schedule study time just as your class time is scheduled, you’ll find it becomes much less of a hassle in the long run. Spend 30-60 minutes before or after that class studying, it will allow you to learn more of the material.

8. Take breaks and reward yourself. Try studying for 1 hour and then give yourself a 5 minute break to grab your favorite snack.

If you find yourself struggling with concentrating during your study time or would like some more tips and pointers for effective study habits, let us know. We can help you get back on track! (813)244-1251

www.starointcounselingtampa.com

What Is A Codependent?

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A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. The heart of the definition and recovery does not lie in the other person, it lies in the codependent and the way they have let other people’s behavior affect them and in the ways they try to affect the other person. Below is a short list of some characteristics of a codependent.

  • Think and feel responsible for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, and well-being.
  • have anxiety, pity and guilt when other people have a problem.
  • feel angry when their help isn’t effective
  • wonder why others don’t do the same for them.
  • find themselves attracted to needy people, and vice-versa
  • over-commit themselves
  • come from troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional families and deny it.
  • fear rejection
  • feel as if they aren’t good enough, and are different from other people
  • worry about the silliest things
  • lose sleep over problems or other people’s behaviors
  • lie to protect or cover for people they love
  • lack of trust of themselves and others, their feelings and decisions

It is estimated that 80 million people are chemically dependent or in a relationship with someone who is. If concern has turned into obsession; if compassion has turned into care taking;  if you are taking care of other people and not yourself, you may be in trouble with codependency.The first step toward change is awareness, and the second is acceptance.

Call us today for information on how we can help you understand what codependency is all about! (813)244-1251

 

Don’t Let Stress Control You!

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We are bound to feel stressed every once in a while, we can’t avoid it. But we do have a choice in how to handle it when it comes our way. Everyone deals with stress differently, you may have to experiment with many coping methods in order to find what works best for you.

Consider these four points below, they might help decrease the amount of stress and change the way you perceive it:

1. Nothing and no one can MAKE you feel anything. How you feel and deal with a situation is 100% your choice. We can’t control the actions of others but we can control our own reactions. If the situation is something that you can change then begin thinking about positive ways you can handle it, if it is not something you can change then you must accept it for what it is and find ways to cope.

2. Exchange attitude for gratitude. Negative attitudes affect our physical, spiritual, and mental well-being. When in a stressful situation try thinking about things you are grateful for, such as your health, friends, and family. Focusing on these things will change your attitude.

3. Relax! With our very hectic and busy lives, we often forget to take care of ourselves. Relaxing helps rejuvenate the body, mind, and spirit. Try finding something quiet that you enjoy doing, and set aside time every day to do it.

4. Look at the big picture. Take a step back and look at the big picture in the situation. Ask yourself “will this matter in the long run?” and “how important is this?” Don’t waste your time on things that don’t really matter.

Stress may be apart of our every day lives but we can control how much it affects us. Will you control the stress or will the stress control you?

If you are struggling with finding the right techniques for dealing with your stress, we can help you! Call us today to set an appointment with a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and learn how to control your stress. (813)244-1251

Visit our website for more information! www.starpointcounselingtampa.com

Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships.

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Sometimes a relationship may not be abusive, but there may be many other serious problems that make it an unhealthy relationship. If you feel that your relationship is unhealthy, you should try talking to your partner about your concerns. If you feel that  you are hitting a brick wall when talking to your partner about your concerns then try talking to a friend, family member, or even consulting with a counselor. Get the support and help you need to figure out what the next step is.

Signs of an unhealthy relationship include:

  • Focusing all your energy on your partner
  • Feeling pressured or controlled a lot
  • Dropping family, friends, and/or activities you enjoy
  • Not being able to be comfortable and yourself
  • Having more bad times then good in the relationship
  • Feeling sad or scared when with your partner

Signs of a healthy relationship include:

  • Having a life outside of the relationship, with your own friends and activities
  • Having more good times then bad in the relationship
  • Being able to be comfortable and act like yourself
  • Making decisions together, and with both partners compromising
  • Feeling like your partner supports you
  • Dealing with conflicts by talking calmly and honestly

While we do everything we can to help you fix and save your relationship, we are also prepared to help you and your partner make the smooth transition through the process of separation,if that is the decision you feel is right for you.

Call us today for information on how we can help you and your partner rebuild your relationship into a more stable and healthy one (813)244-1251

 

Tell-Tale Signs Of A Narcissist.

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In actuality narcissists are not easy to spot. If they came off as jerks, bragging and boasting then it would be easy. But narcissists usually portray themselves as charming and charismatic, reeling you in like a fish on a hook. They can be exciting, entertaining, attractive, sexy, and come off as the life of the party, unless you know these tell-tale signs for identifying them.

  • Marked need for attention. Narcissists need to be the center of attention, seeking admiration is like an addiction for them. Watch to see if they are constantly seeking compliments.
  • Extremely selfish. They are self-centered people who regard others as having no value at all to them if they are not doing something for themselves.They constantly put others down in order to make themselves appear superior.
  • Unpleasant verbal behavior. While narcissists love to talk about themselves and love the sound of their own voice, they don’t always sound pleasant to others. They engage in more unpleasant behaviors such as arguing, cussing, and using sexual language. Their rage is the expression and confirmation of their power over people.
  • Never apologize. No matter how much they have misbehaved, caused a problem, or hurt someone else in the process they will not apologize.. ever. In fact, it is not unusual for them to turn things around and put the blame on you.
  • Tear people down. Narcissists are known for building you up when that is what you need. And when your skies are clear and sunny, they will start tearing you down out of the blue.
  • Poor listener. If others are speaking, they will try to bring the conversation back to themselves or their topic of choice. They will not remember your likes and dislikes because they simply does not care.

If this describes someone you are in a relationship with, and you would like to learn more information on how to deal these narcissistic qualities or get out of the relationship. call us today so we can help! (813)244-1251